I was reading through some of my journal entries from a year ago, and I swear I don’t believe I actually wrote them. The maturity I expressed in my writings a year ago far outshines the musings of my heart now (or so I feel). Literally, I am in awe of who I’ve been. I remember every situation, I remember all the pain. Yet somehow through it all, the yearning of my heart remains the same: the abundant life.
I am a citizen of heaven. I was made to walk on streets of gold. In the meantime, I will treat this asphalt as though it were gold. Let the eyes of my heart awake to wonder. I may not live in heaven right now, but I will very soon—why not act like I already do since that’s who I am?
Ah, yes, here is the tension I’ve been feeling. It masquerades as boredom. It veils the face of my Beloved. It traps my mind so that I cannot remember how a citizen of the kingdom thinks. Is it any surprise then that I’ve been asking myself who I am today? Looking back through pictures of myself from the last two years, I could not find any that reflected who I am now. I kept questioning and looking and nothing seemed to fit. So, I took some new pictures. Slowly now I remember who I am. I’ve been fighting for two years to not lose myself, and I almost lost. Abba, sustain me!